Lately, I have been doing a lot of thinking. As I near the 40 year mark (gasp!), I realize it's time to set my goals and work actively towards them. Since I had children over 14 years ago, they have been the center of my life. However, they're all growing up and quickly nearing the time they'll be leaving the house. When you change that first diaper and lose those first few months of sleep, you never realize how fast the time will pass until it already has. I look at my 6'1" son and my mind is constantly blown away. I remember how tiny and perfect he was when he was born. Now he's a handsome young man getting ready to take his place in the world. I can only hope I did a decent job in raising him and he'll be a benefit to society. Now, to get him through high school. Eep!
With that hope, I have to realize that my time is about to be completely my own. I never finished my college degree. I never reached for the stars on my own dreams. Well, why not now? Why not start reaching for my dreams and make them a reality?
On college. I did a lot of thinking about this recently. Actually, it's something I think about off and on and have for years. There's a lot of regret in this particular thought. I did all the right things through high school. I earned the grades, filled out the college scholarship papers (with the help of my mother) and earned all the right scholarships. I had a full ride through college. However, by the time I got there, I was burned out. I wanted time off. Time I didn't get. Well, I take that back. I did get it. I took it from my college classes. I wouldn't recommend doing that unless you want your life filled with regret later. I did try to return later on in life, but said children entered the picture and it was better for me to remain at home. I don't regret that decision. I never have. But in thinking back on returning to school again, that one I'm not so sure of. I don't remember who's dream it was to have that degree. Was it mine or my parents? Was it just a natural progression from the fact I did well in school? Honestly I don't see how a degree would help me in my life now. I could go for a degree and get a teaching license. However, I have some issues of my own that would probably keep me out of the classroom.
So, let's move on to my next dream. This dream I'm positive is 100% mine and has been since I was probably in grade school. It's definitely been there since at least high school. It's amazing how many years ago that was. What's that dream? Why, it's to write a book and get it published, of course! For some odd reason, that requires that I write. Something that I'm not all that great at. Oh, don't get me wrong. I've had tons of people tell me I'm a good writer. It's the actual sitting down and writing that's the problem. I didn't even realize I could write a book until I tried NaNoWriMo in 2009 and got a win. That was when I realized I had a lot of book ideas in my head and I could actually stream that many words together. So, my book dream became more realistic.
Enter in my inability to handle much criticism and rejection. I already know I'd never be able to handle trying to get published by a large publisher. Some writers can handle getting those rejection slips. The very thought of them makes me want to shove my head under the covers and cry. How lucky for me that I am looking at my dream more seriously from this end of the technology spectrum. I remember when computers first started entering houses. So the fact I can self-publish through a respectable company and get it out to thousands of potential readers is a dream come true. No more vanity presses to give 'self-publish' a bad name. Now it's becoming almost mainstream as the big companies only print the big name authors they can make money on.
So, there you have it. My dream and goal is to have a book published. Sure it will 'only' be self-published, but what the heck? Amazon has a huge contest every year specifically for self-published books. Maybe mine will have a chance after it's been written. Yeah. Written. I've been wrestling with a grand idea since 2009 and trying to make it work. Starting tonight, I'm going to dust off my paper and pens and get to work. Or, I'll pull out my 'new' laptop and put it to work. Either way! I need to write again. Time to shake out the mental kinks and go for it. The only thing holding me back is myself. ;-)
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