What You REALLY do when You Sit Down to Write

You have everything you need before you. Your pen and paper and a possible beginning to your book. But here's what really happens when you go to write:

1. Think about that beginning and decide to rewrite it.
2. Start to rewrite it and realize it's not going well. Throw up your hands and spin around in your chair.
3. Realize the foreshadowing might not even be needed because you're not sure if this draft of your book will even end that way.
4. Grab every pen you have nearby that you think you like and start testing them out by rewriting the same poorly written sentence of the foreshadowing scene over and over, each with a different pen. Realize you like the way one pen writes better, but like the feel of the barrel of another better. Ponder if you can trade out the ink but realize an ink cartridge from a capped pen wouldn't work in a clicky pen.
5. Wonder if the pen you passed up in the store because it was too expensive wouldn't be the greatest pen ever and try to come up with a good reason to go get it just to try it out against your other pens.
6. Go get snacks and a drink and sit back down. Think some more.
7. Come up with a possible starting sentence.
8. Check Facebook because someone might have posted something neat.
9. Look back at your writing and turn around again.
10. Ponder that sentence you came up with and wonder if it's good enough to be a starting sentence.
11. Check another website to see if anyone has commented on a photo you posted. They haven't.
12. Check Facebook again because someone might have posted something important. Nope.
13. Stare at the two pens you have in a face off and think about the pen you didn't buy. Ponder the idea of being able to just buy ink cartridges for the pen if it needs new ink and consider the pen some more.
14. Text your mom back after she finally gets back to you after an hour.
15. Get ready to write.
16. She texts again. You respond.
17. Realize it's dinner time and you get up to go heat up the oven.
18. Think it would be funny to blog about the real writing process.
19. Oven beeps and you realize now you actually have to fix dinner.
20. Realize you forgot that great starting sentence because you never wrote it down.

And that, is actually how you write. :-)  Okay, I'll admit it's not a great way to write, but hey! It's certainly a great way to procrastinate while thinking about writing the entire time.

I Am A Writer

I have a secret to share with you. I am a writer. Crazy thing about that, I probably wouldn't have said that at any other time in my life when I was writing. Why not? Because of fear. How could I possibly be considered a writer if I have nothing published? How can I be called a writer when I don't even have a book finished and being considered for publication? But you know what? None of that matters.

Here's what happened. I decided to dust off my one and only finished book that was sitting in first draft status on my shelf. It was time to bring it out, sit down with it, and brainstorm every problem area it had. Mind you, I had lots of people telling me it was great, etc. In my little world, it wasn't. I have another partially finished book (story of my life, everything's partially finished) on my shelf that when I read what I have, all I can think is, "Wow. I wrote that? It's amazing. What happens next?" That's what I want to do with my first book. I want it up to that level as well.

Anyway, I was having one of those random conversations in my head. We all do this, so you can't look at me like I'm crazy. But say you're doing something somewhere and someone comes up to you asks you what you do. My husband can say he's a soldier. My brothers can say they're CEOs. Me? I can say, "I'm a writer."  Then, this mythical person in my head asks, "Have you published anything?"  And I heard myself reply, "Not yet."

And with that little word, 'yet', came another breakthrough.  One of my greatest fears of writing has been what do I do with a manuscript when it's finished? Do I face the fear of rejection letter after rejection letter in the hopes someone might like it and want to publish it?  In the past, that would stop me from even writing. I didn't want to face that fear, or even the thought of that fear. But yesterday... Yesterday was magical. Yesterday I realized I WOULD face that fear. I WOULD face the rejection slips. If I get turned down everywhere, fine. I can always self-publish and my work will still get out there. Would I rather see a big publishing house take it on? Of course I would. But that's not the only option out there anymore.

Just two little sentences and decisions changed my life. Odd little sentences.
1) I'm a writer.
2) I'm not published yet, but I will be.

The doors in my mind opened up and ideas came pouring out on how to fix my book. I can barely keep up with them as I consider them and write them down. Mainly, they're questions. Ones I need to study and address to bring forth the answers that will fix the original book. I'm full of writing energy I haven't experienced in years. As I ponder each question and begin to answer them, I can feel life entering this book that wasn't there before. I'm excited to see where it takes me.