I Am A Writer

I have a secret to share with you. I am a writer. Crazy thing about that, I probably wouldn't have said that at any other time in my life when I was writing. Why not? Because of fear. How could I possibly be considered a writer if I have nothing published? How can I be called a writer when I don't even have a book finished and being considered for publication? But you know what? None of that matters.

Here's what happened. I decided to dust off my one and only finished book that was sitting in first draft status on my shelf. It was time to bring it out, sit down with it, and brainstorm every problem area it had. Mind you, I had lots of people telling me it was great, etc. In my little world, it wasn't. I have another partially finished book (story of my life, everything's partially finished) on my shelf that when I read what I have, all I can think is, "Wow. I wrote that? It's amazing. What happens next?" That's what I want to do with my first book. I want it up to that level as well.

Anyway, I was having one of those random conversations in my head. We all do this, so you can't look at me like I'm crazy. But say you're doing something somewhere and someone comes up to you asks you what you do. My husband can say he's a soldier. My brothers can say they're CEOs. Me? I can say, "I'm a writer."  Then, this mythical person in my head asks, "Have you published anything?"  And I heard myself reply, "Not yet."

And with that little word, 'yet', came another breakthrough.  One of my greatest fears of writing has been what do I do with a manuscript when it's finished? Do I face the fear of rejection letter after rejection letter in the hopes someone might like it and want to publish it?  In the past, that would stop me from even writing. I didn't want to face that fear, or even the thought of that fear. But yesterday... Yesterday was magical. Yesterday I realized I WOULD face that fear. I WOULD face the rejection slips. If I get turned down everywhere, fine. I can always self-publish and my work will still get out there. Would I rather see a big publishing house take it on? Of course I would. But that's not the only option out there anymore.

Just two little sentences and decisions changed my life. Odd little sentences.
1) I'm a writer.
2) I'm not published yet, but I will be.

The doors in my mind opened up and ideas came pouring out on how to fix my book. I can barely keep up with them as I consider them and write them down. Mainly, they're questions. Ones I need to study and address to bring forth the answers that will fix the original book. I'm full of writing energy I haven't experienced in years. As I ponder each question and begin to answer them, I can feel life entering this book that wasn't there before. I'm excited to see where it takes me.