Bipolar Disorder and Creativity

For ages, I thought I was supposed to try and use this blog to say something witty about writing. It wasn't until about 10 minutes ago I realized that wasn't what it was for at all. It was to reach out to others with bipolar disorder. Which is a good thing because I know next to nothing about writing, except I'm naturally good at it, and a lot about bipolar disorder.

My credentials? I was diagnosed when I was 18. Since then, I have faced the struggles, the denial, and the pain of watching a young child diagnosed with early-stage bipolar disorder. I have written numerous papers on this illness for college, all in an attempt to understand what is happening to me. After 20 years of struggling with this disorder, I feel I have the 'right' to say a few things about it.

Today, however, we're going to look at the correlation of bipolar disorder and creativity. Keep in mind these are all random connections I've made on my own through non-scientific research and observation.

Through my life, I've met a lot of people with bipolar disorder. We're a quiet group and rarely like to speak about it. So, it has become a disorder that affects millions of people and little is known about it. It's tough on our loved ones and those near us. Our mood swings affect everything around us and especially what we do. What I have found interesting is bipolar people tend to be some of the most creative people I've ever met. Depending on the severity of the illness, the creativity levels seem to wax and wane.

Those with a low level of disability (able to control it without medication), seem to be slightly creative. A single outlet of creativity is all they need. One lady I met was happy with beading now and then. She was also a hair stylist, so I'm guessing that's where she poured out most of her creativity. She certainly was excellent at what she did.

As the level of the disorder increases, so does the need to create. Some of the most brilliant composers, painters, and writers in our history have since been diagnosed posthumously with bipolar disorder. Greats such as Beethoven, Edgar Allan Poe, and Vincent Van Gogh. Their battles with drinking and drug use are well-known in history. However, we know now many bipolar people will attempt to medicate themselves in such ways. I met another girl, in a psych ward, who was bipolar. She gloated how she never took her meds but preferred alcohol to try and keep it under control.

"How does this work?" you might ask. I haven't the slightest idea. We do know that bipolar disorder is caused by our neurons releasing chemicals and then turning around and taking them back. The chemical never crosses the gap to the synapses waiting for them. That is what the medication is trying to fix. It stops those neurons from taking back the chemicals. I believe, somewhere in the wiring of our brain, we have an exceptional gift. Somehow, our right and left hemispheres of our minds are connected in a way other "normal" brains are not. We have access to the creative side we can tap into. Heck, many of us are driven to do it.

My drive to create takes on many shapes. I write, knit, quilt, draw, paint, play music... Anything it takes to soothe the desire to create I have driving me at that moment. And it is a drive. I will forget my housework, laundry, anything and everything to create. I set alarms so I don't forget the super important things, like picking up my children from school.

Bipolar disorder is a difficult one to deal with. From the medications we have to take every day to even function in society, to trying to curb impulses we know to be bad for us. However, that drive to create is an incredible one. It's one that needs to be embraced and acted upon. It helps and fulfills us like nothing else can. It's a safe way to express yourself and soothe a part of us no one can ever understand.

Many of you may already know what you enjoy doing the most. It's what you sneak time into your day to do already. But don't hide what you do. Embrace it and push yourself further than you ever thought  possible. For once, use this illness to propel you to do great things instead of letting it hold you to the ground.

Creativity is a grand thing. Don't let this gift you've been given slip through your fingers.  Bipolar disorder is difficult to live with. It limits us in so many ways, no matter how hard we try to fight it. So this one little gift is a beautiful thing. Grab a hold and run with it.